Friday, April 4, 2014

blank page...

the construction is officially done in our home.  the walls are bare.  literally, there is not a single thing hung up anywhere in our house.  i've always struggled with putting a nail hole in a freshly painted wall, but after a month or so, i'm getting ready for something other than minimilistic decor.

i've been slowly purchasing a few bigger items.  a couch for our basement, an entertainment center.  i've found a couple hand me down chairs to be slipcovered and made two very long visits to ikea.  i assumed i'd get the basement done, spruce up the family room and then tackle get the girls bedroom and then, maybe someday, get our office put together.

the last couple years our office has been a chaotic room in our house.  it was part playroom/part craft room/part study zone/part office for me.  it was the room last to be cleaned and the first place the girls threw their junk.  obviously, with all that going on in one room, it was rarely picked up.  it became unorganized moments after i organized it and, more times than not, matthew was kicked out of his quiet sanctuary because the girls decided to form a band.  i'd spread last minute project out all over the desk and unleash the nightmare that my craft closet had become.  to make matters worse, it also served as our guest bedroom.

earlier this week, i had a long day.  i can't even remember now what started it off so poorly, but it just didn't get any easier as the day went on.  my patience was nonexistent.  the girls and i were frustrated with each other and gracie and i were having a monumental struggle communicating.  as the day wore on it got worse and worse and culminated with gracie getting a sliver in her foot that needed to be taken out so she could go to dance class.  she claimed i didn't listen to her (it was more like, "you NEVER, EVER listen to me.  and it breaks my heart and you are NEVER going to be invited to my party!) and i complained that she didn't trust me to take the sliver out (and by complained i mean lost my temper).  it escalated and matthew called right in the middle of it all.  i generally try to keep phone calls void of drama on rough days so he can focus on school, but there was no mistaking the frustration in my voice and the hysterical sobbing coming from gracie.  after a long day, it was this minor pitfall that was taking the whole house down.  when matthew walked in the door that night i was sitting defeated at the kitchen table.  he stepped in and listened to everyone hash out their day.  it became clear that it wasn't so much a big giant problem as much as the girls and i needed a little break from each other.  matthew ushered me out the door.  i immediately felt guilty for putting him in charge after a long day at school, but 5 minutes down the road, in complete silence, i realized it was exactly what i needed.  i needed quiet, calm and something to eat.  i drove through el pollo loco and ate dinner in my car in the parking lot.  i listened to talk radio and ignored phone calls and emails and sat with the heater blasting and my seat heater on.  after an hour i felt recharged and calmed.  i pulled back in the garage feeling ready to start again.

i sometimes don't realize how little alone time i actually have.  i'm with the girls, on the phone, chatting with friends, or hanging out with matthew from sun up to sun down.  my time in solitude comes only late at night, and it usually leads to me staying up way too late (sometimes 3)...which leads to little sleep and early mornings and little patience and the whole cycle starts again.  i decided this week that i want to place some priority on getting our office done sooner rather than later.  i am anxious for a quiet sanctuary where i can sit and think and create and write.  and while it will be a shared space with matthew, it will still be something that i can escape to for those brief moments when i need a little downtime.  it can (mostly) be off limits to the girls leaving me free to spread projects all over the floor and my craft closet unlocked.  and i say mostly because we usually don't go too long with the girls popping in to say hi. (ps- if you look closely, you can spy red paint all over my leopard chair from one of gracie's intense painting sessions.  it sounds silly, but i can't seem to get myself to wash it off, i kind of love it!)

hopefully if you've read my blog, you know how much joy i get from my family.  we've worked hard to cultivate an environment of togetherness, and i honestly wouldn't have it any other way.  i feel a lot of satisfaction in being a mom.  i love spending time with friends (i've had two way too late nights out chatting this week) and nothing tops my time with matthew.  i feel happy and fulfilled, but in order to keep up my pace, i have realized that a little quiet time will help keep me going.

i've been busy browsing pinterest gathering ideas for a shared office space.  a peaceful, masculine place for matthew to focus in a very comfortable chair.  a place for me to draw creativity from that reflects my personality.  i have a few ideas in mind and i can't wait to see it put together!  i'd love any suggestions or pins that can help make it happen!


  1. Love this post! I completely relate to every little bit. I love the idea of a quiet sanctuary as well and am also working on making some space to call my own. Share your ideas! (ps. can we talk about where the awesome leopard chair is from? fabulous.)

  2. I am also thinking of re-doing our office.
    I love this office:

  3. 1. Your gorgeous. 2. Your girls are gorgeous. 3. I love your blog. I love the way you write. So relatable. Thanks for being so honest making the rest of us feel normal for having a rough day here and there.
    4. Alone time is everything. Just a few minutes will do me good.