i have a really great post. it's half written and i had every intention of finishing it tonight. but then life happened. if you follow me on instagram (@lindseypinegar) you've noticed that something is absent in our lives lately...matthew has left for nashville for his summer job. we're getting adjusted to life on our own for the next little bit (we'll join him when gracie is done with school and we've settled things with law school...life is kind of in the air:) i'd like to say that i've handled the last week gracefully, using all that experienced motherly knowledge i've gained, i'd be more honest to admit that it's been a series of comical events.
tonight just didn't go as planned. i've accepted that matthew does bedtime much more efficient than i do. bedtime has always been my weakness. i will never turn down rocking the girls (occasionally i'll still rock gracie) or cuddling or even falling asleep in our bed. meal time? grocery shopping? i'm a stickler for good behavior, i try to not let too much slip by, but i'm a sucker for bedtime. the girls have sensed my weakness and are taking full advantage. the first few days matthew was gone maddie was heartbroken. she only wanted matthew and i was a poor fill in. there were no tears, mostly just sad, destitute stares. matthew was forced to sing her to sleep via speakerphone. she has since figured out how to weasel her way out of bedtime. she is happy and playful and full of energy. and just when i start to get frustrated she grabs my face, gives me a huge kiss and whispers, "i sure love you"...it buys her fifteen extra minutes every time. after months and months of begging to sleep together they've worn me down and fall asleep in my bed (and by worn down i mean they only had to ask once). there are often fits of belly laughing and wrestling that almost always ends in someone hurt. buzz joins in with barking and 20 minutes into bedtime they're separated and filling me with promises that they'll be quiet if they can just hold hands while they sleep. we've all caught a nasty cold making it all the harder. maddie was congested tonight and couldn't get to sleep and gracie somehow ended up on my floor. at nearly one maddie was finally starting to fall asleep when gracie woke up and found herself halfway under my bed. she screamed, maddie woke up crying, gracie's head was stuck, buzz was barking and gracie was just sure she was stuck forever. as i wiggled her out and returned her to bed maddie was awake again and requesting more songs about horses. in those moments i snap a picture and send it to matthew, because i'm just not sure he'll believe me if there isn't proof. while i definitely have moments of frustration and lose my patience daily, including matthew in on the chaos somehow makes it a little more enjoyable.
so it's now two am and i can't seem to pick up where i left off in half written post. so instead i'm writing this. some of our real life, take it or leave it moments.
there have been goldfish dumped in my bed. maddie has fed buzz at least half her food at every meal. we've blown fuses and set the house alarm off. the girls played on the porch while i mopped the kitchen floor. before i knew it they were covered in mud and taking baths in the kitchen sink. i still need to re-mop the floor after that. we've wandered target and eaten a lot of take out. we've chased buzz all over the neighborhood. i've worn sweatpants and maybe once forgot to brush my teeth. after a long sunday morning i let the girls skip the first hour of church to sit in the car in the parking lot and eat lunch. there have been afternoons in the sun and there was the time i told the girls we'd go get an ice cream cone and then just drove around until they fell asleep. we've had popsicles after breakfast and hour long baths just to keep them entertained. and we've listened to bibbidi bobbidi boo and it's a small world on repeat for the last 3 days.
a lot of days i feel like we're just getting by. but i kind of love it. not every single moment (i mean, 2am is frustrating, it always is) but a big chunk of it is tough and fun and so worth it all at the same time. i know how fortunate we are for matthew to be working right now. it has saved us the last few years. we miss matthew a lot, but all this girl time is pretty great. the girls are funny and clever, and they will never not run giggling and screaming when i squirt them with a squirt bottle (which i may do at least a dozen times a day because it hasn't gotten old yet...it may be a stress release for me). somedays it takes more work to find the joy in these days, but it's there and it's really fun.
so hopefully i'll get a chance today to finish writing my other post. and hopefully my 2am rambling has made sense. here are just a few on my phone pics sent to matthew...
one of the sweetest sights i'll ever see...
sound asleep under the bed.
target is the best time waster.
she stole my lounge chair.
after the girls finally fell asleep in the car while i "searched" for a good ice cream cone.
and lastly...because i found this picture tonight for my half written post on how all of this began and where we've ended up today...it all kind of started here...more to come!